So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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