Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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