I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
