Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
