oh god the rape fog is back!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
