i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
