I think my vagina is haunted
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize