I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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