There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
