Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize