so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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