I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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