Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
