Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize