i think my mom watched the whole time
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
