Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
