remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize