Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
