in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
