I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
