You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
