YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
