I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
