His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
