I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
