she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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