hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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