When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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