Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my being single is dangerous.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
