i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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