STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
