It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
