I'm gonna have a badass scar
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
