so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
