If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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