Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
