Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize