When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
