Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
