Dual....:-)
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize