I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
