Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
there is puke in my bra ... again
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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