i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
