what day is it and did you see me today?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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