You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
