if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
