The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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