Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
