dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
