tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize