i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
