If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
