I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize