something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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