I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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