Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
