she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
BRING THE BAGELS
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
