Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
