a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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