i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I will pee on everything he values.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
