dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
